Access Calm   (Part 1)                                                     (go to Part 2)
--Know What the Enemy Is

My parents once told me that when you’re fleeing a Communist
country and suddenly get caught in the line of enemy crossfire,
there’s only one thing to do: find a way to get out alive.  In times like
these when you find yourself defenseless, life and safety become
paramount.  It's when we find ourselves armed that situations risk
turning unpredictable and dangerous.  After all, when someone is
firing a gun at you, literally or figuratively, we think the natural thing
to do is fire back.  This kind of thinking can only contribute to the
number of casualties.

Conventional wisdom says that people will always agree to
disagree.  But just as naturally recurring wildfires play a role in
the regeneration of forest ecosystems, disputes between people
can also clear up misunderstanding.  Relationships find
themselves strengthened and renewed.  Some people manage to
find the way forward through any jungle, without ever raising their
voices.  Then there are the people who let their disputes rip apart
families, companies, places of worship and even entire nations.  
How do you account for such different approaches?

My parents insist they never once thought of the soldiers firing at
them as their enemies.  The only enemies, my father said, are
death, unhappiness and pain.  Depersonalizing the source of your
negative emotions serves two valuable functions.  First, it reduces
the fever in the air.  If the person you’re fighting with is not your
enemy, it makes no sense to be yelling at that person, does it?  
Second, it adds perspective.  Colleagues are not the enemy.  Not
getting the group project completed on time is the enemy.  
Classmates who laugh at you are not the enemy.  Not learning to
think critically and creatively is the enemy.

People who depersonalize the source of their negative emotions
take the situation into their hands, not the other person’s neck.  
These people fight to live another day.  Destructive people get this
concept backwards: they live to fight another day.  The husband and
wife who subscribe to this notion soon won’t see another day--
they'll be divorced.  The colleagues who think like this will soon
both be fired.  Government leaders will say whatever they want to
justify sending soldiers into battle, but condolences to the family
will never bring back a lost human life.

Despite all the technological progress humanity has made, we still
find ourselves under attack in so many ways.  For the lucky ones,
the "enemy" is the morning traffic.  The unlucky ones battle hunger,
disease and war.  This much is certain: the human spirit is a
formidable weapon.  We just have to give ourselves a fighting
chance to use it.  In the times you find yourself under attack, keep
your head down.  Remind yourself that people are not enemies.  
When there’s a break in the crossfire, do whatever it takes to reach
tomorrow.  That's where your life is waiting for you.

Now that I know what the enemy is...
Lesson 4   Access Calm
--Know What the Enemy Is