Observe Caution   (Part 2)                                       (back to Part 1)
--Forgive Intrusions and Violations

While living and traveling in Asia, I often got asked personal
questions that at first struck my Western sensibilities as odd, if not
downright rude.  How old was I?  Was I married?  What did my
parents do? Had I chosen to take offense each time someone
inquired, I probably would not have lasted more than a week in my
foreign surroundings.  In time I figured out that people asked these
questions not to intrude into my life, but rather to include me in their
culture.  

Culture shock is a broad term that now includes: hijacking a
plane and flying it into an office building; watching soldiers kill
and rape your family members; being tortured in enemy prisons.  
Culture shock also covers phenomena that happen right in your
own backyard like shootings in high schools and colleges.  Events
like these may make the smaller wrongs we suffer on a daily basis
rather negligible and yet, a caustic remark at work or drivers that
keep cutting us off are things that disrupt our flow in very real ways.  
It’s a good thing we have a word like “forgiveness” that’s powerful
enough to handle all these situations.             

Forgiveness is a tricky mechanism.  It's never easy extending the
olive branch.  At the same time, the inability to forgive can be seen
as a mark of powerlessness.  What about when we are the
wrongdoers?  In those situations, we're liable to say something
like: “You said you forgave me, but I feel like you haven’t.”  This kind
of remark goes back to the problem of calculating, of measuring
things in our favor.  We forget that forgiveness belongs to the other
person to give.

What’s tragic to encounter is someone still suffering over a brutal
act  from years ago, who had little support conducive to healing and
recovery.  Serious pains inflicted long ago can still be turned into
pearls, but it takes an enormous amount of love and understanding
to begin the coating process.  The longer gravely injured people are
deprived of medical attention, the higher the likelihood of suffering
long-term damage.  So too with emotional injuries.  Caring about
such individuals--not forcing them to forgive and move on--is the
way they may eventually forgive and move on.

On the face of it, observing caution appears to mean being careful.  
An exceptional person understands that it really means to be “full of
care.”  It’s when we’re full of care for others that forgiveness
becomes a much more manageable dynamic, one that
withstands the shock of both small and large injuries.  Being
careful is a passive mentality that has no place in building up
healthy relationships.  Being full of care is an active stance that
shows you are ready to move forward.

Move on to
Lesson 7   Inhabit Culture
Lesson 6   Observe Caution
--Forgive Intrusions and Violations