Demonstrate Control   (Part 1)                               (go to Part 2)   
--Go Ahead and Speak

Every year in late spring, ABC televises what must be the strangest
little sport on its broadcast lineup: spelling.  For hundreds of twelve-
year olds, thousands of dollars are at stake.  In a low-context
culture such as the U.S., words are important.  In school we pore
over spelling tests and 1,000-word essays.  Later in life words
morph into money as we charge for them by the hour.  We spend
our entire lives believing that control and domination of words
equates to mastery of fates.

The pervasive sports mentality in the U.S. serves to reinforce this
illusion.  In sports, the offense gets all the glory.  The home run.  
The slam dunk.  The touchdown.  Sportscasters pay lip service to
the importance of defense, but the highlight reels are full of plays
from the offense.  Here in New York City, there's a lot of offense in
the communication.  We interrupt others.  Finish off their
sentences.  Gesture that we’ve heard enough.  We jockey for
position to take the other person down and spit out that last word.  

It’s imperative we learn to distinguish control of communication
from control of situation.  To do so, we need look no further than
"control" itself, a word defined by balance.  In one sense it means
to command and in another, to exercise restraint and caution.  To
be obsessed with the command part is to threaten the foundation
of any relationship.  Think of a father who yells at his son, and
allows for no discussion.  The father may think he's the one in
control until he finds his son's empty room in the morning.  

I once consulted for an American who owned a factory in Asia.  
Whenever he asked the floor workers if there were any problems,
he was always told there weren't any.  One day he learned that all
was not well.  Several matters had been concealed.  The owner
was mystified.  I explained that in high-context cultures, the floor
workers perceived their roles as servants who were never to upset
their master.  In the future, any questions about problems were
better directed at the floor manager, which would honor the
hierarchical structure the workers were comfortable with.

No one can play offense all the time--your body can’t take it, your
mind isn’t cut out for it, and in the end, only losers do it.  A
winning strategy is about balance.  About exploiting strengths and
acknowledging weaknesses.  Respecting yourself and respecting
your opponent.  Good communication requires the objectivity of
someone who can take in the larger picture, and then go forward
with direction and momentum, with a spirit that honors the players
and the game.

When you're done speaking...
Lesson 8   Demonstrate
Control
--Go Ahead and Speak