Achieve Clarity   (Part 1)                                                (go to Part 2)
--Determine Where Things Went Wrong

The early 20th-century scientist Marie Curie couldn’t understand
why a substance called pitchblende was emitting more radioactivity
than could be accounted for.  After more than three years of trial and
error, she succeeded in extracting not one, but two other radioactive
elements from the pitchblende.  People are mistaken when they
think clarity is the foundation of good communication.  It is not.  
Clarity is the byproduct of good communication, the result
achieved after hours, days, even years of figuring out how to extract
it from noise and imperfection.

Communication, as we are aware, is no science.  But by now it
should be obvious that good communication can be achieved
consistently.  To be sure, human bonds are not indestructible.  It
would be nice if the relationships that started out so strongly could
stay that way.  When troubles arise, you have to ask which of the
following you spend more time considering: “How much longer do I
have to stay in this relationship to see if it will work?” or “How do I
make this relationship work?”  The first question has no answer.  
The second one is determined to find the best answer.

There are no short cuts to achieving clarity in our relationships.  In
practical terms what this means is that communicators have to be
accessible and available to each other on a frequent basis.  Given
the pace of life we lead these days, this is no easy feat.  Often,
when others can’t keep pace, we choose to dismiss them.  
Whether it’s an employee, a spouse, a student, a new love interest,
people start becoming expendable if they can’t keep up.  Falling
into this kind of thinking is nothing short of being sucked into a
vicious cycle of not being able to care about anyone.

Achieving clarity is like a rocket ship achieving liftoff--it’s the
beginning of a long journey ahead.  No one would think that just
because the rocket has lifted off, everyone at Mission Control can
now go home.  The tragedy that was the Space Shuttle Challenger
in 1986 is a chilling reminder that liftoff is in fact a time of stress
and anxiety.  In the case of the Challenger, scientists chose to
ignore the serious problems they had been aware of.  Good
communication helps figure out where relationships can go wrong
before serious incidents occur, not after.  

Tragically, Marie Curie's death was caused by long exposure to the
radioactive elements she hunted.  To the end, she was tenacious
in her search for scientific truths.  Whether we realize it or not, all of
us are after some kind of truth, trying to find those emotional
connections somewhere in the chaos that encompasses our lives.  
While it's never easy it’s also never too late to start trying.  

What if you can't determine what went wrong?
Lesson 9   Achieve Clarity
--Determine Where Things Went Wrong