| Achieve Clarity (Part 2) (back to Part 1) --Say “It Was My Fault” Fans of Monty Python, the legendary British comedy troupe from the 1970s, will recall a scene in their film Monty Python and the Holy Grail where a king tells his two guards to watch his son until he returns. You would think it’s a simple order that can’t be botched-- until you hear one of the guards asking for clarification, mangling the king’s instructions in the process. Kudos to the king for holding his ground and standing by the meaning of his original command. Bad communication of this confusing magnitude is called comic genius. In real life, it’s never a laughing matter. It has been theorized that the words “it was my fault” packs enough sincerity to wipe out a major 21st century transgression. But ever since a widespread moratorium on the testing of those words, humans have not been able to confirm the veracity of that claim. Nevertheless, a vocal few vehemently insist that the words act like additives in paint, improving the consistency and quality of communication. As of yet, no physician has been willing to come foward to vouch for the sanity of any of these individuals. Why is it that we rarely hear the words “it was my fault?” Perhaps because we live in a litigious society that has conditioned us to never accept blame. Even when apologies do get heard, they are subjected to the most rigid tests that measure for genuine sincerity. The worst apologies are the ones that go on too long: "I'm really sorry, but you were clearly wrong when…” If everyone could simply say, “It was my fault” (and throw in a “period” for good measure) we would all save time apportioning blame and move on quickly to reconciliation. Achieving clarity in your relationships requires you to be familiar with the emotional terrains buried deep inside people. Clarity, however, appeals as much to the logical side of humans as it does to the emotional. Logic and emotion are two sides of the same coin. An apology is only as good as the accompanying solution to the problem. You can apologize all you want, and accept all the blame that you want, but if you can’t come up with a viable solution that gets you past “it was my fault,” you’re going to be stuck at that fault line. A fault line is a dangerous place to be living. The bumbling guards in that Monty Python scene never do apologize to the king for being so obtuse, not that we expect them to. Those of us who refuse to apologize, or don’t even realize we need to apologize, aren't too far off from looking like inept fools. It’s those of us who apologize sincerely and intelligently that come across looking like we know what we’re doing. The best apologies spring from the heart and from the head. Communication at its best will speak to both these concerns. Move on to Lesson 10 Revel in Chemistry |
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Lesson 9 Achieve Clarity
--Say "It Was My Fault"
--Say "It Was My Fault"